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The current year marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the words gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks affirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {